How Is Biodynamic Wine Made?
How Is Our Biodynamic Wine Made?
You may have some suspicions that biodynamic wine is made differently from other wines, and you’re right.
We select the biodynamic vineyards from which we will source grapes by divination during a moonlit ceremony. We then employ the services of a shaman to bless the vineyard. The shaman sages each vine individually, and dusts them with the pollen of the Belladonna flower (this both helps the vines resist infection, and improves wine flavor).
During flowering we feed nectar laced with LSD to a team of thousands of butterflies and release them into the vineyard to fondle the grape flowers and aid in pollination. The visuals are also pretty spectacular (I'm talking about the vineyard full of butterflies).
As the grapes grow, we turn the vineyard into a day care facility for children. We fill the vineyard with newborn lambs and their mothers, and parents bring their children to cuddle the sheep and play games in the vines all day during the growing season (this way the vines are fertilized by the sheep and the sound of children’s laughter). Naps are taken in the shade of the vines, and snack time is mostly grapes – thus keeping yields low.
At night, when day care is over and the children have gone home, we welcome lovers to use the vineyard for trysts. Many a secret kiss, and even a conception or two, takes place among the vines under the starlit skies of summer. Since the grapes are the vines’ reproductive cycle, we find the lovers’ pheromones and hormones enhances the vibrant, lusty energy of the resulting wine.
The day of harvest is predetermined by the universe. There is only one day each year when the grapes may be picked at the perfect moment, and this day is fated. Both Wendy and I have extensively studied astrology, astronomy, cosmology, and cosmography to decipher this date from the ancient star chart in the sky in communion with the vines.
We have picked on the correct day for the vineyard every time. In fact we’ve learned that if you are in tune with the biodynamic energies of the cosmos, it is impossible to pick on the wrong day.
On that day trumpets are blown at the darkest moment of the pre-dawn night, as a sort of Reveille crossed with a royal arrival, to arouse the vines. Dozens of strolling musicians serenade the vineyard as we begin to pick the grapes in the dark. At dawn, prayers of thanks are offered to the vines, the earth, and the rising sun, as each cluster of grapes is lifted into the first light of day (like Simba in the Lion King), then laid gently in baskets woven from the previous year’s pruned canes.
A parade begins as the last of the clusters is picked, and with much hubbub, cheering, music making, and general merriment, the grapes are carried to the winery at the head of the procession. By the time we reach the winery, the entire town has joined in, and a party breaks out as Wendy and I invoke the spirits of Bacchus, Dionysus, and of course Demeter, drop the grapes into crystal grottoes we discovered at the center of the magical vortex we chose for the winery site, and cast the seven spells that transmute the grapes into wine. We then seal the chambers with a wax made with our own blood until the enchantment has had time to achieve perfection (usually several months), at which point we bottle the biodynamic wine and offer it to you.
And that’s pretty much it.
Of course none of this is really true. But don’t you think it should be?
The truth about biodynamic wine is just as magical, though.
Taste it and see.
HUSSY – our barrel-aged, biodynamic rosé – will be available for you to purchase starting this Saturday! 9/18/2020
If you like deliciously oaked Chardonnay, HUSSY is the rosé for you. It has effusive tropical aromas of guava, toasted coconut, and vanilla, and tastes of tart raspberries simmered in cream. It’s refreshing and rich at the same time – an all-season rosé that we think will age and continue to evolve beautifully for years to come.
We going to offer a special discount to those on our email list, so join now if you aren't on the list already: